BAKLA 101

If you're not IN then you're definitely OUT! Gays, queers, effems, badaffs, vaklush, maricons, and what have youse, here are some of my cousin Jomo simplified terms for homosexuals around the world, PUN INTENDED.

North American, Homo
Japanese, Sumo
British, Pukemo
Chinese, Ahmo
Spaniard, Ultimo
Latino, Primo
Mexican, Geronimo
Malaysian, Malay mo
Israeli, Ikembot mo
Iraqui, Batuhin mo
Iranian, Baboy-Damo
East Indian, Gamu-gamo
Ethiopian, Hopya mo
Korean, Anongseymo
Pakistani, Putok mo
German, Perry Como
Jamaican, Ewan mo
Afghani, Arabs, Mumo
Afrikans, Bat ang Itim mo?
Italian, Captain Nemo
Russian, Da-mo
Samoan, Kamukha mo
Hawaiian, ho` okamaka, aikane moe
Filipino, Tangna mo
Astronaut, Cosmo
And whatever you are, Walang Reklamo!

ANKH GIFT FROM ISIS

Peace, prosperity and love for all mankind.

Sound cliche'...You may say it again. But here...let me present...le crux ansata...please accept it...your's to keep. Loop it around your neck. And wear it proudly; that you may prosper and forever live.

It's proven, and I swear. Your still not convince? Ask Isis, from Egypt antiquities!

SASHIMI KNIVES FROM INCHEON

Annyeongaseo! Herro, radies and gentremen, my name is Chew-me. Moshe-moshe, my aporogies. I donut speak much da engrish...hihihi...I grew up at da greatest peninsura in da worrd cored Korea. I was raised at Oknyudong Varrey near the shitty range cored Taebaek Mountains. From here I crude see our highest peak, Mt. Kumgag to the west and the sea-port of Kosong to the north, where the most merodious music in the worrd is ever prayed. I em now eeseep sam, twenty-three years ord. Here beside me is my dearest oppa (boy-freng). Forgive him orso because he is beri-beri shy. He is now eeseep oh, 25 years ord. And freeze donut rough; his name is Suckyu-dry. But his christian name is James Jou. We're pranning to erope to Europe. We'd wed soon and raised a famiry; and hopefurry have chill children, seven to be exact. Because like Angerina Jorie, Suckyu-dry robs and rikes kids.

For the future, we're not worried because here in our peninsura, there's prenty of sweet rice to be served. Prus choco-pies, seaweeds, guraman, and derighfurr tofu-cakes. Divine. I em nut kidding. It's rike paradice.

It's orso my dream that one day, we'd ribbed peacefurry on both sides of the 38th pararrer, samseep parl, as our ancestors used to be. We'd rike to see a unified Korea where Byongyang and Seour thrives as true twin cities of our rand. Omabsamida, thank you!

Suckyu-dry, wont you say something?

___Annyeongsinika! Hinihika ka? Kore-kore? Puta, hinada! Kimchijuseyo? I em serring brades, beri-beri sharp...and cheavaroo! Wanna try? Freeze buy?

THE POETIC GOD MACHINE

Underground...
Between the borders
Of France and Switzerland,
Scientists are on the clock
Experimenting...
Test-firing beams of protons
And smashing atoms
To capture and re-create
That first big bang boom!
Through LHCb*
This Large Hadron Collider beauty, machine...
They want to learn and understand
The make-up of these vast universe
Trying to crack the quark
And of that elusive "dark matters"
Hopefully to get a glimpse of "God particles"
That in theory gave mass to star dusts
We had known
As well as of that hidden
Time and space
Dimensions...

Meanwhile...
Deep the caves, maybe;
Along the borders of Afhanistan and Pakistan,
Osama Bin Laden is praying
Still hiding and free
Until today's 911 anniversary
And eversince the twin towers
Collapsed mysteriously
The world is still on edge
Racing through
Warped in time and history
Pleading for Almighty God's mercy,
The creator?
Of poor folks like (you and) me!

Ground above...
Monster Ike, storms and hurricanes
Tests human dignity,
Look no further than Cuba and Haiti
Scrambling for aids, starving citizenry
Woe woe woe woe...woe
Devastating calamity!

R.W.B. & ALL AMERICAINS

The pervasive invasion of CNN in our household is nothing to be desired. This Globe Watcher is merely becoming his departed bau-ji, RIP, in terms of his entertainment. Watching political conventions south of the border is really fascinating. And last night's RNC, Republican National Convention, showed me John McCain and his running mate in a new light in contrast to his presidential democrat nominee, Barrack Obama and Joe Biden.

I am no pundit nor care much about this les Americains eliront, but history is unfolding before my very eyes, and I was glued once again with these politician's speeches meeches. And from it I easily deduce the tough choices I must consider if I were an American.

J.ust Statesman
O.ld servant soldier
H.umble hero
N.uovo Reformiste
M.averick
C.onservative (left leaning republican)
C.hange is coming
A.merican fighter
I.nspiring?
N.ationalist

S.ultry
A.laskan
R.edneck reformer?
A.rbiter, alternative
H.unter, hockey mama
P.ro Life
A.nchor-woman
L.ipsticked glow (read it)
I.ngenue?
N.o nonsense pitbull!

Thank goodness I am not an American for in November election the choices are tough as nails and contentious. Don't forget that my handpicked for this, Hillary Clinton, is sadly, out and done.

NO LUVS LOST

Watching the Beijing Olympics since day one made me the ultimate champion, as far as I'm concern. I'm so glued to the televz and still couldn't get enough out of it. I'm all gaga about it, and surfing is not an option as I don't wanna miss any single event there is. So aside from streamline coverage on the web, I had prompt all my tele-sets side by side and turn them ON into more than three cable stations. Even at work, these games and programs are what we are following.
I'ts so compelling and really inspiring!

So far my favorite was a] Michael Phelps' outstanding one-one hundredth of a second butterfly glide to the wall. b] Canadian Alexander Despaties' triumphant dives despite injuries. And c] the 100 and 200 meter OR breaker run by Jamaican, Usain Bolt. To my mind this young man is more than above his league, he is a class by himself...no, an elegant horse, FCOL!

But the downside to all of these sports watching is that it made me so lazy and I notice weight gain down my belly...err my luv handles. Now I have to trim down some obvious fats. I should start jogging or be in a regimental exercise for I now couldn't compete with wifi's rotor mouth who doesnt really give a crap or two about these whole events.

Now if only Moscow and Washington government would have a clear-cut cease-fire agreement over Georgian Republic, that would be terrific!

SUMMER OF DISCONTENT

All over the globe. 1 thing is certain these days. And it's ridiculous. Rising oil prices. High cost of foods. Living. Inflation. Its maddening and absurd.

Not to mention,social upheavals.Unrests.Protests.Demonstrations.Then you'd ask, "Where in the world arewe heading into?"Smog and polution on Beijing

for the upcoming Olympic Games. And its totally uncertain.Downward

spiralling finance. Unstable world-wide e c o n o m y. Weather disturbances.

From tornadoes 2hurricanes.Mugabe.Zimbabwe.It's billions in currency that can only buy a pound of tomato.California earthquake as we speak. And I don't even have to look any furtherBecause here in our own backyard,the recently concluded ten day festival, Capital-Ex, is one example of our

Summer of Discontent

The dins and loud noisesit generated.

Most especially to it's neigbouring communities

plus the Edmonton Rexall Indy, the car race.

It's capital

C. R. A. Z. Y.

Oh Lord,

Have

M.E. R. C. Y.

xxxxxx

INGRID BETANCOURT

Talk about a true survivor, French-Colombian politician Ingrid Betancourt is a remarkable story. Kidnapped and held hostage by rebel forces in April of 2002 and forced to live in the Colombian jungle for six and a half years is indeed an ordeal. But last week, her rescue along with other hostages became a joyous occassion. Just how did she made it through? Where did she get the strenght or the will to survive?

From an interview with Larry King, she said that the most difficult part of her experience she had endure is knowing how human being can be so horribly cruel with other human being. That one day she was a free presidential candidate and the next day became at the mercy of her captors, commanded and everytime asking for permissions. That her captors were instructed to kill them. And the ordeal was a living hell. But despite of all that, her faith never waned.

As she goes through her experience, and understandably trying to block some of the painful memories in the jungle; she's just so happy right now, back in the arms of her loved ones, who never lose hope for her freedom, libertad.

And most of all, she wanted not to forget but also willing to forgive!

MAY DAY...MAY DAY!

Where is the world heading into? Barely just a few days this month of May, and we are witnessing global disasters of horrendous proportions one after the other.

I mean weather phenomenon that brought cyclones, tornadoes, floods, famines, calamities and yes earthquakes that left hundreds of thousands lives lost. Not to mention volcanic activities spewing ashes and molten lava, from Europe to South America. Just where in the world is the next upheavals, hardships and godforsaken trials?

I can only surmise that we are really heading into a turbulent ride of our times. This planet that we lived in is really a violent and hostile place. But do we really ever listen? When are we going to heed to the signs of the time?

Please...please...no more. The shock is just too much to bear!

THE INQUIRING MINDS

I notice that eversince You Tube change its cluttered format, it became much worse and miserable to play a video? You end up waiting and waiting for it to load to no avail. Apparently, this is not You Tube faults but rather that of the server we subscribed from. I gathered that it is they who are trying to stall the fast information highway we folks are accustom to. And according to them we get way too much informations too fast. So shoot my poo! Don't they realize that reversing the trend only result to impending suicide among its clientle base? Why cant we have the best of cyberspace worlds. Aren't they getting enough revenues already. And it's disgusting thay they revert to this kind of tactics, curtailing our divine priviledges and rottten spoiled brats that we are. No wonder, Yahoo until now is adamant not to succumb to Micosoft's will and power even to the tune of billion gazillion almigthy dullards. If your somewhat lost to what I'm saying, don't complain. Direct your querries to your server and leave the rest of your worries and thy curiosity.

On another recent developments, His Holiness The Dalai Lama, the exiled leader of Tibet was threatening to resign if Tibetan people wont adhere to non-violence. The evil Central Government of China meanwhile is running a shrewed propaganda intent on not helding a meaningful dialouge about Tibetan plights. In light of these events, why do I foresee this imminnent situation as bleak as a pipe light. After all, Budhism, as a faith, believed on the dissolution of life in any forms and the absolute end of the entire universe.

Think about it!

VALENTINA HASSAN

KEN LEE TULIBU DIBU DOUCHOO, this is the most hilarious international bestseller of all times...so move over Mariahhh Curry, Valentina Hassan is our new woman now!

WORDZ PLAY

I'm not giving up yet. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is going to win Texas and Ohio presidential primaries. I'm CANadian, and we up here are crossing our fingers that she win. She's more deserving for the job not only because she's a woman, but her EXPERIENCE and global incite is much more attune to what the whole wide world is clamoring for. She's the welcome CHANGE that America needs. And if they think otherwise, then they are bloody buffoon. If they could because as they say WE CAN, it's about time that we should because WE CANCAN and march onto November to show that old Senator McCain, because HE CUNT.

Let's go Hillary and start kicking OBAM... err some butt!

OCTOGENARIAN OSCAR

So the 80th Oscar was held tonight. It awarded Coen brothers for their film "No Country For Old Man" as Best Picture and Achievement in Directing. But to me the highlight of the night was when Janvier Bardem was given the honor for Best Supporting Actor. This "Jamon-jamon" aktor finally had due recognition. And he dedicated the award on his acceptance speech to his mother, "Esta Oscar es para ti y para Espana, muchas gracias".

Jon Stewart, meanwhile hosted the rather lucklustre event. Thanks partly due to the end of writers strike. He's so funny citing three women preggers of the night, Jessica Alba, Nicole Kidman, and I can't remember who else, aha Cate Blanchette... and the baby goes to...Angelina Jolie.

Well by watching this Oscar getting old and dull, I know now for sure which movies I'm going to rent and waste my money on. At least, Canadian films were as usual mentioned. I don't have to rush for another boring movie. That Edith Piaf film "La Vie En Rose", to my mind is very interesting. What was her name again? Aha, Marion Cotillard.

Oh btw, I'm now returning this vintage Valentino, any takers?

MAMA MIA

It's so depressing, I mean really...how could this be happening. Why on earth my handpick is losing the race. Cannot she do anything right? All the bummer should do is nothing and just that, and he'd still be on course. Xerox or not. Word for word...words and more platitudes with uncertainties are what these folks tend to embrace rather than experience and grace. Sadly there's a local song that comes to mind with these whole brouhaha about a certain person who prepared everything but ended up sharing nothing or worse getting the wrong end of the stick.

Ako ang nagtanim/ ang nagbayo at nagsaing/ subalit ng maluto ay iba ang kumain/ mapalad ang sinumang nakakain/ lubos na nasiyahan walang pagod ni katiting./

Well as you can see, my candidate and her adversary are really tied when it comes to their platforms, with very little differences as they say. But the bummer is pulling away at her expense. Could she really be fine when all the dust settled?

I know, I wont. Coz I'd be needing anti-depressant pills after this!

ONE MOMENT IN TIME ~ CHARICE PEMPENGCO

As you can see, I've been very very busy lately campaigning for Senator Hillary Clinton, and I need a break from this nerve-wracking pace. So once again, I check my friend, FALSEVOICE about his latest CHARICE PEMPENGCO upload, and guess what I found...a very hair-raising, goose bump galore rendition of a Whitney Houston song. Hopefully this video would served as the miracle I'm looking for in order to boosts Mrs. Clinton's candidacy for presidency. All the stars are aligned as they say. SO WE SING-SING BECAUSE WE CAN-CAN!

HOORAY CHARICE! YOUR LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM.
_________________________________________
Readers, please follow Charice on her new website: www.charicepempengco.com. or access the out link from this page: A Diva Is Born.

And show your support. We love you Charice.

CRIS CROCKER'S VALENTINE MESSAGE

MESSAGE FROM CRIS CROCKER AND I SECOND THE MOTION...LET'S SEE IF SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON CAN PICK-UP MORE VOTES AFTER THIS COZ SERIOUSLY I'M SO NERVOUS FOR HER RIGHT NOW NOT CLINCHING THE PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY ALL THE WAY TO NOVEMBER ELECTION. IF THIS STILL DON'T WORK...WATCH FOR MY WILD CARD... IT WOULD CROCK BARRACK NOBAMA!

THE GREATEST TSONGA

Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga outplayed Spaniard Rafael Nadal on straight sets 6-2, 6-3, 6-2 at Australian Open semi-final round. Ain't he remarkably a Muhammad Ali look alike? Ooowoohoo... TSONGA!

BROKEBACK NO MORE

Heath Ledger the actor of Brokeback Mountain was found dead at Kate Olsen New York apartment this afternoon. Speculations abounds as to the cause of his death. He was 28.




----------------------------------------------
Accidental Death
Medical examiners cited OXYCODON, HYDROCODONE, DIAZEPAM, TEMAZEPAM, ALPRAZOLAM, and DOXYLAMINE as causing the actor's death. What a fatal concoction.

THE IDIOT BOX

I don't know about you, but I'm not really a fan of any t.v. programs except one or two. There's nothing on television that really get my attention nowadays. And I hate watching, period! And I don't care what's the latest fad or craze which i could get anyway via web surfing. The cable and any network shows, to me are plain dumb. Dumb as a big bell dangling that rat's assess especially this Chinese new year. Year of the Rat. Was it coincidence that American economy is somewhat downhill? At least they could blame this to the unlucky(?) sign of the rodent. Or maybe because of Bush who for all intent and purposes decided to take care of the slumping American business too late. And that all over the world is being felt like a rippling wave effect. Welcome to Black Monday. Up here, their neighbor to the north, Harper is soh nervous that he's actually watching the cousin-brother Bush about the inevitable crash or decline of their empire. My assessment may sound harsh but let's be serious here, ok? I think I know enough what I'm saying is true because after all, I'm still contributing to this economy err falling economy or what's left of it.

Notice how even aliens are visiting Texas these days, that several unidentified flying spacecraft were spotted hovering? And in an instant go pffp!! Gone...Hhhmm... What could be the reasons besides warning us for impending doom. The globe is probably being prepared for a new beginning, a new presidency or better yet a new television blockbusters. Remember American screenwriters are yet to come back from their strike. T.V host Jay Leno seemed to be the catalyst for the writers' association for finally coming to their senses. But until then I'd settle watching a fireplace on my idiot box. And if I grew tired of this ridiculous concept, I might as well flip it to frequency or amplitude channels. At least here, they're showing a rising scales or whatever that is that surely is the envy of dwindling stock markets.

EVA UND VINCENT

Pinoy Vincent Bueno duets with Eva Klikovic on this Austrian Musical-Die Show.

("So wunderschon...eigentlich halten alle drei es verdient zu siegen Aber ingewisserWeise sind sieja alle sieger." -- Bat Catherine.)

Vincent Bueno is a pure bred Filipino who was hailed in Austria. He bagged the Musical Die Show feted against several European contestants, with this ala-'American Idol' contest, chosen by text and phone votes.

Vincent's eventual win is not a 'walk in the park'. He had to endure several musical casting call as can be seen on related videos.